Out of My Comfort Zone, Confronting Challenges: Navigating My College Life

Hey Chingudeuls~ MJ here! 

    Today, I'm sharing my story about a slightly longer-than-average freshman experience – fueled by a combination of finances and a global pandemic (don't worry, it's not as dramatic as it sounds!). Some of you might relate to my story, and others might not, but still, let me share how I overcame it (and how I accepted it): The Scary but Exciting Leap to College.

    Before College, my life revolved around the familiar rhythm of school bells, homework deadlines, and Friday movie nights. But all that's about to change because my life now is packed with transes and PowerPoint presentations (with little to no sleep). 

The Stumbled Start and the Comfort of My Home

    People say that college is all about being independent, making new friends, discovering something new, and facing and overcoming challenges it may be in terms of academic or personal. Incoming college students look forward to their first day in a new environment, a new university, new classmates, and new professors. But for us who started college during the height of the pandemic, things were a little different. Instead of being on campus, we spent our freshman years sitting at home, attending virtual classes trying to stay awake and look as if I had not just awakened. 

    
    My college experience during the pandemic was spent in my bedroom, our kitchen, and our living room or at my best friend's house as we enrolled together in the same university with the same degree. We attended classes through MS Teams and Zoom, and submitted assignments online through our LMS platform, with limited social interactions outside of virtual meetings because as much as possible, my best friend and I tried to make our group chat as lively as possible, making it possible for us to gain friends who we looked forward to see face-to-face. On one hand, being at home gave me a sense of safety and comfort, even though I missed out on the traditional college experience. Home became my new normal, so the idea of transitioning to on-campus life was exciting and intimidating, as I became a full-time homebody.

First Hurdle in Life (2020)

    The pandemic made my life pretty rough because, in the 19 years of my school life, this year (2020) was the first time, that I had to withdraw from school due to financial problems. I could still remember how "lutang" I felt when it was decided that I would stop, and it made me question if I have worth in my family because it seemed like they easily made their choice to make me stop, unlike how other parents tried all their best just to make their child continue school. My thoughts became more disturbed when they could open a frozen product store, and buy a new freezer but they could not pay for my balance in the university. I question everything starting that day. I couldn't even let out emotions whenever I faced them (my mom and my stepdad). I don't wanna pressure my papa to give me money because I know that he lost his job in Kuwait due to the pandemic and he is barely surviving there, if not for the repatriation, he wouldn't be able to come home. 

    I couldn't cry because all my life, I haven't shed a tear in front of them because as much as possible, I don't want people to see me crying. I cried in silence, and punched the wall, thinking that maybe I could study again if I took another course that was not as expensive as medical technology. I thought that maybe if I ruined my hands, I wouldn't dream of becoming a doctor again. And this cause a major problem for me today because my hands easily get tired and cramped whenever I am holding something. I don't want to blame anyone, but I can't help but do it. I stopped school for a year, waiting for the second semester. The whole of 2021 was spent at home and in the store.

    Starting Again, A Year Later Than Others (2022)

    The second semester started, and all our previous classmates were now our seniors. We met new faces and eventually became friends with them because this batch is the one we met face-to-face for one subject on campus. We got to taste the life imagined having in a university before. We were on our own, budgeting our allowance, getting on a train to get to school, and going to cafes with our campus friends without thinking of the time that much. I thought everything was going on smoothly already, but here we go again. 

    They talked to me about transferring schools, to a school with lower fees. I was against that idea of course, but what can I do? I don't want to stop again, I don't want to be left behind anymore. Transferring schools made me down much more than stopping for a year, and maybe it's because of the thought that I put in so much effort taking college entrance exams in universities in Manila, but then they want me to stay near. They told me that it would be much better here because I am with them, they would take me to school and fetch me from it, and there would be meals ready for me; however, these seldom happen. I would go to school with an empty stomach because I was the one who woke up first, and I didn't want to disturb their sleep anymore. Every time I was about to go, my mom would suddenly ask if I was going to eat. Like I still have the time to spare? I need at least 2 hours for transportation due to traffic. I can't say it upfront because I know that she just wants to feed me before going. All their promises before transferring didn't happen, and I still think about that. I accepted that I had to return to my first year due to the lack of units from my previous school, I was dejected when the dean told me this, but I accepted because I had no other choice, the school had started at other universities.

First Time Crying in Front of Them

    With my new school today, I got the chance to take up a scholarship from our city mayor here in Lipa because it's included despite being in Laguna, which is a different province. I was happy when I got accepted. I even went to Batangas City to get my scholarship certificate and voucher to be presented in school. Once I got it, I submitted it the very next day to the registrar, and they told me to wait for it to reflect in my portal. I waited for weeks, and still, nothing changed in my portal. Once I received my statement of account from the office of treasury through email, I asked them for an update about my scholarship and said, that it was the only thing that we were relying on at that time because my stepdad still had no schedule of cruise. I got no news so I went straight to the registrar, and that's when I found out that I was removed from the list since I was an irregular student. Nobody told me that an irregular student is not allowed any scholarship grant (where is the logic in that, I'm not an irregular because of a failed subject anyway). I could only say "okay" to the registrar, my mind was shut down because I hoped that our financial burden would lessen. I expected, so it hurt me that I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Once I saw them in the mall, where they were waiting for me, I couldn't stop my tears anymore. All the thoughts of the past years run back to me, making me scared again. I bet they were shocked to see me cry because that was the first ever (and I am crying again while writing this). 

    I am saying too much already, and I don't know if anything makes sense anymore; however, what I want to tell you guys is that challenges will always come, and you need to face them head-on. Facing these challenges and trying to solve them is part of growing up, they are the ones helping you to mature and learn. Being mature however, doesn't mean that you should always be strong, brave, and strong-willed, you should know how to control your emotions and not let your emotions control you, to the point that you can't reverse what was done. Some people might think that age is just a number; however, aging adds up to the responsibilities we have in life, everything just adds up and it's growing bigger and bigger each year that adds up. It's how you react that would change the course of your path to these problems because we can't avoid them, and we can't anticipate the degree of it. If I was given the chance to face all these hurdles again, maybe I would want to react differently because looking back, I realized how immature I was to blame people and hurt myself. 

    Today, I am now an incoming third-year student after this semester, it indeed felt grade to step up and not be stuck in the first year, where I stayed for 3 years. 

I'll end this blog saying,

 "Practice a growth mindset, every time, everywhere, and to anyone. If you don't want to repeat what happened to you, start growing from within, and let it grow towards other people."

Thank you so much for reading, and have a great day ahead!

XOXO,

ohmjeeeeee